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PostSubject: Trouble...   Fri Dec 19, 2008 11:15 am

Hey guys,

I want to post about an issue I have. It's something I have noticed over the past few months, and while it hasn't necessarily gotten worse, it hasn't gotten better enough for me to not worry, or, perhaps more accurately, wonder about.

Since finding this community I have been much more successful in social situations with strangers. It's so easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger or a group of strangers now. But familiar groups seem to have gotten more difficult. I'm not talking about my friends, but rather my peer group.

For example, I have been hesitant to attend my law school functions, and I've stayed away from bars near the school. When I am in that group, I feel more or less helpless, like I need to be introduced in order to talk to anybody. These are groups that contain people I see regularly, but don't necessarily know.

Has anybody else experienced anything like this? I don't think it's related to my expansion in pickup, but I'm not ready to write it off as unrelated yet either. I would love to hear your thoughts.


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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:05 pm

i think its all about calibration. which you clearly exercise when you are one way with one group and then you are another way with another group.

i am this way when i am among my peers as well, im not shy but rather, i am able to turn on and off my pua mode.

its kinda like cussing, i cuss like a sailor, but i wont around children or elderly people.
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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:38 pm

Calibration, and getting out of your own head.

With strangers, you probably don't worry about what they think of you, whether you will see them again or not, etc. So you think to yourself that it doesn't matter how you come across, what you say, whatever because if you fuck up your impression with them it won't matter because they can EASILY be flushed out of your life.

Not so with your peers. "What will they think of me if they knew all of me?" "What if I fuck up with them?" "How will I repair any damage I might do about me in their minds?" Things like this.

Now, you may not CONSCIOUSLY think this stuff, but subconsciously yes you are. It's a natural fear. And it's also something you can, and need to, deal with. I have those same fears at times. Usually till I realize just how imperfect my peers are as well. Then I say fuck it.

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
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Ka
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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:21 pm

I think Tripp is on the right track but not quite there. From ready your posts and talking to you i think i have a good idea of what the problem is, id assume you have an idea of what it is too even if you havent realized it yet.

I do not mean this ina negative way, so do not take it that way...

You feel better then most strangers you meet and thus dont care what their judgement of you is, however you feel your peers to be equal to you and thus their judgements matter to you. This is primarily a confidence/inner game type issue.

What you need to do is retrain yourself. In life there are always people, socially speaking, who are lower, higher, equal to yourself. No matter how alpha you are, some people (like a parent or grandparent) deserve your respect. Other people like your colleagues at work/school are obviously more equal to you, while others may not be.

What has to be done is you have to seperate accomplishment from personality. Just because someone you meet at a bar most likely hasnt made the same accomplishments as you doenst make them lower on the social ladder. Judge them after you talk to them. In the reverse fashion, those you goto school with are being judged on their accomplishments and not based on personality. Your treating the 2 groups differently. DONT.

Hope this helps.

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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Sat Dec 20, 2008 1:13 am

Yeah, I think you guys are all right. I don't consciously treat the two groups differently, but I end up doing it. It's more manifest in dealing with the men in my peer group. I get intimidated and feel the need to constantly reaffirm my worth, and then get annoyed with that and don't say anything. I get quiet!

Okay, so what I need here is a game plan. I'll develop this over the holiday and post on what I plan to do to remedy this.

!
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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Sat Dec 20, 2008 2:32 am

Good deal Karma.

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Sun Dec 21, 2008 2:18 am

Sounds like social anxiety to me.
Look for info on Social Anxiety on the net.
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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Mon Dec 22, 2008 9:06 am

hade wrote:
Sounds like social anxiety to me.
Look for info on Social Anxiety on the net.

I doubt it, mental disorders do not selectively choose when to affect you. If he was suffering from a social anxiety then it would be constant regardless of who he is around. Im not a doctor, but i know a few psychologist, and i also happen to have a mild case of general social anxiety (diagonosed), which affects me around groups of people including family, friends, and strangers. It is sevre enough to affect my interactions but not serious enough to warrant pharmasuetic treatment.

I still stand by my original statment, hes basically holding the 2 groups to the same measure but different standards (all of course my humble opinion). He needs to seperate "accomplishment" and "worth". He happens to be, from what i can tell, both accomplished and have alot of life experience and personality. Unfortunatly he measures his "peers" by their accomplishments instead of judging them on their personalities. He assumes that the people he meets out and about are not as accomplished as his peers (or himself) and thus do not have as much worth as his peers, even though they may have better personalities.

From my experience some of the most interesting people, the ones with the most social energies and the most to give socially speaking, are the least accomplished. Then i have meet some very accomplished people who are boring and socially stagnant. Hes got to make his peers prove their worth to him the same way he challenges a random set at a bar to do, by engageing them and making them validate themselves and socially prove their worth to him.

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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Mon Dec 22, 2008 2:15 pm

Hey,
I'm going to tell you exactly what's going on subconsciously through what you've said. I'll post comments.

You said:
"Hey guys,

I want to post about an issue I have. It's something I have noticed over the past few months, and while it hasn't necessarily gotten worse, it hasn't gotten better enough for me to not worry, or, perhaps more accurately, wonder about."

***Your first choice of words was "worry". That was the first word your subconscious brought to your conscious attention. You corrected yourself by using the word "wonder" because you didn't want it to seem like it was something you used to worry about.

"Since finding this community I have been much more successful in social situations with strangers. It's so easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger or a group of strangers now. But familiar groups seem to have gotten more difficult. I'm not talking about my friends, but rather my peer group."

"For example, I have been hesitant to attend my law school functions, and I've stayed away from bars near the school. When I am in that group, I feel more or less helpless, like I need to be introduced in order to talk to anybody. "

***The stimulus is when you imagine or physically see the law school function. You might picture the building or the room the function would be in and say things about it in a certain tone of voice inside of your mind. That's what triggers the un-useful thought pattern...you then imagine worst-case scenarios. Or bad scenarios.
You're talking about and picturing things in your mind you don't want to happen. And having feelings about it. You're probably also imagining an awkward or negative scenario if you introduce yourself instead of letting someone else introduce you. The discomfort of attending law-school functions has generalized to bars near there.

***When you imagine something happening in the future, you're unwittingly rehearsing it and your body responds to the imagined scenario. It doesn't matter what triggered it. All you have to do to change it is to mentally rehearse success. Every day go off by yourself for a little bit and take a few nice deep breaths nad get nice and relaxed..this is very important...get good and relaxed. Next step.....while in a relaxed state....Imagine being in that setting and you having a good time..but you have to do it in a certain way. When you imagine being there, you MUST NOT just stick strictly to the visuals. You have to actually FEEL with your imaginary body. That means you feel the clothing you're wearing in the imagined scenario. You feel the ground beneath your feet. You say things on the inside of your head in a tone of voice you would if you were relaxed and having fun. Just to give you an example....imagine right now you are holding a glass of something to drink......it's not enough just to see your imaginary arm lightly extended and holding the glass. You have to FEEL with your mind's hand what the texture of the glass is like....how the glass would feel in the palm of your hand and on the fingers. And notice the temperature of the glass. Is it dry or lightly damp from moisture? What do the muscles in your imagined arm feel like? Try it again with your computer screen...imagine your mind's hand reaching out and touching your computer screen...notice the texture of the screen. Is there any static or not?

So you line up your physiology through physical relaxation, and your internal images and feelings and sounds so that everything lines up...and then you amplify the sights and sounds and textures and internal voices that actually intensify the feelings. It might be simply making the temperature warmer...or maybe there are certain sounds in the room you really enjoy or respond to. Maybe it's reducing other things....maybe for a certain situation, dim lighting is better..for others, bright lighting.....you line up your physiology...and your imagined senses and your imagined internal physiology of your imaginary body and you use your imagination to imagine desired scenarios. Take your time with it..this is about being THOROUGH so you get results. It should be enjoyable. Do this for 30 days to give it a fair try, once a day..and don't force your behavior to change....your behavior will change automatically...you'll probably hardly even notice until after the fact. It will be automatic, just like your old pattern was automatic.
Important: Imagine this is the ideal "you" with all of the qualities you want
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PostSubject: Re: Trouble...   Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:12 pm

Interesting Max.

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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