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Cndos
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PostSubject: Lacking a social skill   Thu Jan 29, 2009 12:40 pm

Hello,

When i'm talking sometime i get stuck in a discussion.
It goes like, when i say something bad/arrogant to girls they want to make a real big point of it.
I handled these, but not on the correct way. A little input will help

Here some scenario's.

When i talked about a health subject.

HB: so you think you know more about it then i do?
Me: sure, that what i red or no i don't mean it that way.

other:

HB: Is 'Okay" the only thing you can say?
Me: Ofc not...

bleggh how can i handle these stupid pointers?
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Ka
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PostSubject: Re: Lacking a social skill   Thu Jan 29, 2009 3:41 pm

These are most likely a direct result of your prior actions...

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time.

So gauge what you did before these negative reactions and change it, fine tune it. This is known as calibration, and if your doing it on the fly so to speak micro calibration.

For instance with your second example you must be saying ok alot...so change it up. When people hear repetitive responses they assume your not listening. Make a game out of it for yourself, try and use as many different "fill in responses" as possible. Once you use one dont let yourself use it again during the same topic. The next step would be working on brdiging topics from what others are saying. If she was telling you a story then try and find in your memory a related event, then tell your side of it as a response.

Also, if you beleive in something or think your right...do not apologize for it. Like in your first example, dont change what your saying...instead say something like, "Whoa, no need to get all upity about it, im sure you know plenty about it...im also sure you dont know everything there is to know about it." Then simply change the subject.

Most importantly, try and change what your doing so you dont evoke those types of reactions from others.

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~Meg~
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PostSubject: Re: Lacking a social skill   Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:18 pm

In the 1st one come up with a C&F response. Also, be careful that you are not coming off as very arrogant.

In the 2nd example it shows that you are really not adding anything to the conversation. Do you just sit there, nod your head, and let her do all the talking? You need to direct the conversation. Ka, made a good point when he said to come up with a similar situation that relates to what she is talking about. If you really listen to a bunch of people talk they will do this. This will also allow you to develop rapport with her.
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PostSubject: Re: Lacking a social skill   Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:50 pm

Hmm, I have a slightly different take on this. Often times, humor, especially the dry variety, is such a fragile concept that we lose our grasp on it when it becomes a bit uncomfortable. If you are worried that you aren't adding anything to a conversation, and somebody suggests that you aren't, you may take that more seriously than you should. Even if she means it, you can charm your way out of that.

Girl: Is "Okay" the only thing you can say?
You: Have you ever seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?
Girl: What?! Um, no...
you: Well, Jim Carey keeps saying the word, "nice" throughout a scene in it. At first, the girl gets annoyed and makes fun of him, but later it draws her to him... I guess I just have a sappy sentimental side and want that kind of movie love that doesn't even really exist... oh, the sadness of life... [cheesy movie-like look up]
Girl: oh shut up! [she will definitely laugh and smile here]
You: Okay, okay! Okay, I won't say okay anymore, okay?

OR something like that... What I'm getting at is don't let it be a road block. I think that if you have more than two of those uncomfortable silent roadblocks in a conversation you might as well walk...
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