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 Why cant i keep them in my life?

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PostSubject: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:58 pm

Hey guys, i have a question that i just always seem to be having problems with. I always seem to meet girls and we become friends but for some reason everytime i wanna hang out with them as friends their busy we only stay friends over texting or AIM we never go out we never get really close outside of aim or texting. We become super close on AIm but never go out leading to eventually loose our friendship. This really annoys me how can i fix this problem? I beleive its always good to have girls in you life who are just very good close friends and nothing more.

Thanks
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:02 pm

If it happened just once or twice you can put it down to bad luck but if it's happening regularly then it's probably something you're doing (or not doing). Girls have loads of guys who want to hang out. You need to be fun and show common interests.
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:15 pm

Be unlike all the other guys in here life, always strive to do something fun regardless if your with somebody. Simply invite them to something that is appealing, girls of value have a stable full of men willing and basically crawling at a chance to take these girls out.

You can't be that guy, your higher value and you tell them "Join me, I am doing this Sunday"
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:31 pm

PUA to be wrote:
Hey guys, i have a question that i just always seem to be having problems with. I always seem to meet girls and we become friends but for some reason everytime i wanna hang out with them as friends their busy we only stay friends over texting or AIM we never go out we never get really close outside of aim or texting. We become super close on AIm but never go out leading to eventually loose our friendship. This really annoys me how can i fix this problem? I beleive its always good to have girls in you life who are just very good close friends and nothing more.

Thanks

Do you ask them to hang out and then they say they are busy? Are you only meeting them online or are you meeting them in person as well, then talking to them online too? Who initiates most of the contact when you do talk to them?

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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:51 am

Ok this is how it goes. i meet them online. we get really close seems like their even really enjoying me being in their life. About 95% of the time they initiate conversation with me, so that shows they are interested in some way. I do ask them to join me and my friends but they say they are busy or they will try but probably not. I also say lets go get some food that also gets me a response of they are busy. This happens to me alot its not once or twice it happens to me with pretty much every girl i meet. We get really close for alittle while like a few months maybe a year or 2 then we just grow apart.
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:30 pm

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Ok this is how it goes. i meet them online. we get really close seems like their even really enjoying me being in their life. About 95% of the time they initiate conversation with me, so that shows they are interested in some way. I do ask them to join me and my friends but they say they are busy or they will try but probably not. I also say lets go get some food that also gets me a response of they are busy. This happens to me alot its not once or twice it happens to me with pretty much every girl i meet. We get really close for alittle while like a few months maybe a year or 2 then we just grow apart.

Listen man, im not saying this to be mean, im saying this because you need to change the way you think...

These girls are not IN YOUR LIFE, or visa-versa. If you have not meet them in person a few times then you are nothing less then a fleeting moment in the sum of their lives. The clerk at the store you just went to is more a part of your life then these girls.

The problem with meeting girls online is moving that comfort shield of the internet out of the equation. Your best bet for doing this is to pick something public, simple, different, and easy for her to remove herself from. For instance going out to eat is boring and requires a certain time investment. Until you guys hang out in person your still a stranger and the girl has to keep in mind that her saftey is at stake if shes not careful.

So picking something like starbucks, meeting at a park/square, an outdoor cafe for tea, mall, etc. Also girls usually think about bringing another girl with them to be safer, so encourage it..."Hey if you wana bring a friend it doesnt bother me, after all its not a date". Be overlly critical about the situation yourself...lets say she turns out to be ugly, annoying, and wierd in person....do you want to be stuck with her for 30 mins or more?

Tripp asked alot of good questions, some of which you addressed and some you didnt...there are really many factors here. Who initiates most of the contact, how available you are to them, whats been said/done, how well your handling attraction and comfort, confidence, etc. Its probably not just one of the above either, its probably a combination of things that are keeping you from moving forward.

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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:30 am

Hmm ok the thing is we are usually very comfortable with each other to the point where we know alot about each other they are very open with me with their sex lives and etc. So what do you think towards that?
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:31 am

Women love to talk about sex. It could mean they're interested but it might not. Talking about sex is a good way of building attraction and seducing though if you do it right.
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:19 am

we do we all have our super late night dirty talks... still no good
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:04 am

PUA to be wrote:
Hmm ok the thing is we are usually very comfortable with each other to the point where we know alot about each other they are very open with me with their sex lives and etc. So what do you think towards that?

i am thinking that's the problem. There is too much comfort. People tend to open up more with the internet because there is a level of anonymity. Maybe they like talking to you, but if they actually met you in person you would know all the secrets that they might not share with people outside the internet. Does that make sense?

You need to establish some comfort so the girls know that you arent some crazy person. Then start talking on the phone. Then try to meet.
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:19 am

hmm.. the weird thing is that i feel that we do have enough comfort and trust to hang out. Thats what i don't get i really think we do.
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:25 am

PUA to be wrote:
hmm.. the weird thing is that i feel that we do have enough comfort and trust to hang out. Thats what i don't get i really think we do.

No, I mean too much. How long do you talk to them before asking to meet?
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PostSubject: Re: Why cant i keep them in my life?   Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:30 am

This is why i hate chat/text/twitter etc...they are all ways to communicate without the investment and vulnerablilities that help develop normal social behavior.

Online, girls dont have to be comfortable with you to discuss their sex lives...after all to them your some random person god knows where who they never have to see in person and who will never meet their friends in person. So they can tell you shit they dont tell other people...even their friends, its like a psychologist without the bills and the sofa. They can do all this and if things get wierd or you try to hurt them in some way they just block you and walk away from the computer...

Also comfort is great, but there is such a thing as too much...

There is a very fine line between Dr. Suave and Dr. Phil...

I like listening to people, i like trying to help...and sometimes i have to curb that behavior and be a dick or be short with people just so i dont end up having to listen to them cry about stuff i dont care about for hours on end.

You have to balance it so they feel comfortable with you, but not to the point they tell you shit they dont tell their other friends.

I think Meg put what i was trying to get at in a way.

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