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 Guys, premature attachment to girls, why this happens so soon.

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Ka
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PostSubject: Guys, premature attachment to girls, why this happens so soon.   Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:44 pm

I've noticed lately from alot of different sources that guys seem to get attached prematurely to girls they are interested in. A good example was my brother, long story short he was interested in this girl and overheard her friend talking about her and another guy possibly going out. He got very upset and was in a foul mood the rest of the night.

It may sound silly, logically he had no right to get upset....so why did he, why do alot of guys get upset, angry, jealous, etc before they are even dating a girl? We are hardwired to act this way. In a guys mind, once we set our eyes on something we want, we consider it ours and we become possesive and defensive of it. 10,00 years ago we had to fight for food agaisnt other men, fight for women, tools etc...and our minds still work like this.

We counteract this by becomming self-aware...we have to recgnize this behavior, realize its not healthy social behavior for our time period, and adjust accordingly. Im not saying to not fight for what you want, im saying pick your battles carefully. When you find yourself out at a party getting mad or upset...pull yourself aside and convince yourself that feeling that way is silly, shes not your girlfriend and therefore has no exclusiveness with you.

The grey area starts after you kiss (or more) a girl, from that point on i can understand some jealousy or anger...but even then you have to realize that not everyone has the same concept of relationship as you. Some people view every relationship as exclusive, some dont see any that way, some feel it needs to be stated or that after some time it becomes assumed...the best you can do is set the guidelines down early, whats exceptable behavior on both peoples parts...and then gauge things from that guideline.

So guys the short is, get the girl before you become defensive or possesive (not abussive possesive).

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PostSubject: Re: Guys, premature attachment to girls, why this happens so soon.   Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:13 am

Very excellent post Ka.

I found my self getting a bit attached after my last "friend zone" escapade...
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PostSubject: Re: Guys, premature attachment to girls, why this happens so soon.   Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:06 am

Ka wrote:
I've noticed lately from alot of different sources that guys seem to get attached prematurely to girls they are interested in. A good example was my brother, long story short he was interested in this girl and overheard her friend talking about her and another guy possibly going out. He got very upset and was in a foul mood the rest of the night.

It may sound silly, logically he had no right to get upset....so why did he, why do alot of guys get upset, angry, jealous, etc before they are even dating a girl? We are hardwired to act this way. In a guys mind, once we set our eyes on something we want, we consider it ours and we become possesive and defensive of it. 10,00 years ago we had to fight for food agaisnt other men, fight for women, tools etc...and our minds still work like this.

We counteract this by becomming self-aware...we have to recgnize this behavior, realize its not healthy social behavior for our time period, and adjust accordingly. Im not saying to not fight for what you want, im saying pick your battles carefully. When you find yourself out at a party getting mad or upset...pull yourself aside and convince yourself that feeling that way is silly, shes not your girlfriend and therefore has no exclusiveness with you.

The grey area starts after you kiss (or more) a girl, from that point on i can understand some jealousy or anger...but even then you have to realize that not everyone has the same concept of relationship as you. Some people view every relationship as exclusive, some dont see any that way, some feel it needs to be stated or that after some time it becomes assumed...the best you can do is set the guidelines down early, whats exceptable behavior on both peoples parts...and then gauge things from that guideline.

So guys the short is, get the girl before you become defensive or possesive (not abussive possesive).

Guilty of doing things like this in my past, now I generally just don't allow myself to be interested at all and have no outcome and it works very well.

Last girl I took out I found it hard to actually feel any sort of emotion when she said "Wasn't interested".. not because I did not feel anything (I did).. I just programmed my brain till it laughed at the outcome.

As for the feelings of rejection, ironically I had a heart to heart talk to myself for about three hours. My resonant voice as I call him really can do wonders when you point key factors out of every situation.

I am optimistic at heart, every situation I generally see only a good outcome, but not completely oblivious to the bad outcome.
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PostSubject: Re: Guys, premature attachment to girls, why this happens so soon.   Fri Jul 03, 2009 6:30 pm

Ka this is definitely something that I can relate too, but mostly the latter part. When I would kiss a girl, and weeks later things went sour, I would become upset if I saw her or heard her name spoken in conjunction with another. After understanding that this isn't the best way for me to behave myself, my behavior changed.

Im of the opinion that this can be changed if we didn't become fixated on that one girl. That to me is the real problem. Truth I like you. peace,lvoe and succe SS
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PostSubject: Re: Guys, premature attachment to girls, why this happens so soon.   Fri Jul 17, 2009 5:27 am

Great post.

LaRock, yes you do have an early attachment problem . . . but that wasn't the core issue with your last escapade. The core issue there was your lack of escalation.

Overall, yes, great post, great points.

And we do all have different "levels" of what's acceptable and what's not. For instance, I can kiss a girl and she can turn right around and kiss someone else . . . and I won't care. I can fuck a girl . . . and depending on our "seriousness" with each other, she can go right away and fuck another guy and I won't care. Different levels for everyone, which also means the girls have different levels of expectations as well. So, I agree with Ka that these things need to be spelled out in some way before the guy gets upset about it.

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