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LaRockStar
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PostSubject: Over whelemememed?   Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:47 am

So, I was finishing up reading MM for like the 10th time... and it came to me...and startled me.

We all know my story/issues/etc. I probably have the biggest inner game issues/confidence issues on anybody on the board.

If/when I ever get past this AA and actually believe in myself, there is a whole new set of obstacles infront of me. I suddenly have the feeling that this is a never ending battle.

The openers, the pre-canned material, the night-dance-day-game scene. The shit tests. The AMOGs. The Alphas that are more Alpha than you.

At this point, I'm not depressed - just - over-whelmed per se. Its like I feel if I ever defeat this huge beast that has been kickin my ass for the past 12 years or so - I have to learn everything. How many times am I going to get blasted/rejected/ and have failure above my head if I fuck up on the opener...after I just approached?

Has anybody felt like this? Like it is a constant uphill battle? Is it supposed to be this hard to find and mate with a member of the opposite sex?
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Sun Aug 23, 2009 3:34 am

90% of guys, if not more, there biggest battle of all is AA. That's where you're stuck and have been stuck. The REASON you're stuck there is because, by your own admittance right in this post, you are reading, and reading, and reading, and reading, and reading, and reading . . . without getting any actual field experience. AA will NOT go away by just reading. You'll just sit and stew in your AA without ever kicking it.

Having said that, of course there will be other battles. After all, each day you wake up brings battles, whether they be big or small. Do you let that keep you from planting your feet on the floor? No. So what's the problem?

Your mindset, while you may not be depressed at this very moment, is still negative. You're still looking at the bad side of things and that will never get you moving forward.

You know what man? I still have sticking points. I still have hurdles. BIG hurdles. Hurdles you haven't even dreamed of . . . and I don't say that to brag at all.

As far as the rest of the "hurdles" you mentioned, sure, everyone that goes through the learning process has those same hurdles. I will tell you this, though . . . the stronger your confidence in yourself grows, the less THOSE hurdles that you mentioned will affect you. So you see, building your own confidence overcomes a LOT of things in the long run.

One last thought, for now. Let's just say . . . if you're REALLY bad . . . you get flat out rejected 100 times in a row (that just doesn't happen, especially if you're taught half way decent), that 101st female could be either the love of your life . . . or the greatest fuck you've ever had. With that in mind, wouldn't those 100 flat out rejections be totally worth it? Seriously, answer that one yes or no. Right here, right now. Put the answer down, on "paper" so to speak.

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:58 am

LaRockStar wrote:
If/when I ever get past this AA and actually believe in myself....

I can relate to this. I used to have very poor self esteem when I first came out of high school. It has taken the better part of a decade, but I'm really comfortable with myself for the most part. Now I just have a few inner game issues, but at this point I am confident in the fact that I'm a interesting/attractive guy. My biggest issue right now is that I'm a fairly passive person by nature, and it really takes me some time to open up to people. I've at least shifted from reverse to neutral, but getting from neutral to drive is where I'm stuck. I really don't get that nervous fear anymore, but habits can be hard to break. I have anti-social habits that I defiantly have to break. Given a situational opener I can open a set from time to time, but because of certain habits, mainly body language I think, I fail to hook. Without a situational opener, I just kind of sit in neutral. In my head I'm telling myself to get up off my lazy ass and do the damned thing, but the body doesn't follow.

As for being overwhelmed with learning/memorizing, and all the obstacles.... I've found, when I have been successful, a lot of what I have read has been pretty spot on with my success before I started looking into the community. In the rare cases where my AA hasn't gotten in my way, and things just flowed a lot of what is out there comes somewhat naturally for me. It's just a matter of getting over the fear of taking action. Any time I've set down to really think about something, if I had just followed my instincts instead of my fears, I doubt I'd lack for regular dates. Really, if you get down to the basics of it all, most of what the community teaches is how to deal with women in a more comfortable, natrual way, instead of out of fear.

All that said, that is why I come to this forum. Sometimes just putting things into words helps set things clear. Of course, thinking too much is a problem of mine. It doesn't hurt to shut the mind off from time to time and just act. Now... if would only go out and follow my own advice ;o)
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:03 am

Tripp,

If you don't mind me asking - what is at least one of the hurdles that I haven't even dreamed of - I'm very curious.

Sydrian - First off thanks for the insight. It's a little bit better knowing that I'm not the only one with the issues. With that being said, what exactly has changed in that decade to make you ok with yourself?

I've done everything in my power to change. (New car, clothes, hair style, hell even moved out) - Yet I'm just - well - not really going forward. I'm not going backwards just kinda in neutral and not on a hill.

Short story. I had a good laugh today - first day of school for my University. I was walking to the library, saw a two set of underclassmen. Short skirts, vibrate colors. Walked by, didnt even make eye contact.

I laughed as I entered the door - simply saying to my self, "Ahh. Another 2 years and nothings going to change..."
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Tue Aug 25, 2009 3:48 am

LaRock, you can make all the external changes in the world . . . car, clothes, hair, etc., but if you don't change internally . . . as you see nothing changes. That's exactly where you're stuck. You don't want to change internally.

This process is to help you grow BOTH externally and internally, not just externally.

One of my big hurdles . . . I don't know if you know anything about guys like Johnny Soporno or Steve P, but JS used to have his relationships set up in such a way that he always had one PRIMARY girl who was in essence his g/f and several other girls always going on the side. If him or his primary moved on for some reason, another girl was always ready to step into her place as his primary. Well, one of my current big hurdles is I basically have two primaries and have had several other girls on the side as well. "Two" and "Primaries" is contradicting, obviously, and it's not something I'd recommend for anyone, lol. Hence, it's a big hurdle for me right now. I won't go into detail about why it's currently set up this way other than saying I never actually PLANNED to have it this way.

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:06 am

LaRockStar...welcome to adulthood. You've just realised one of the few things that seperates wholey and truely kids from adults...theres no such thing as perfect, and in many cases nothing is ever done.

What would be the point in living if you were perfect? Thered be nothing else to accomplish or do.

Tripp nailed it in his first post. You deal with this reality on a regular basis, in work, school, your social life, private life, finacial life, etc...There is always gonna be more your capable of and 99.9% of the time always someone better in that certain area then you.

At first this is a shocking realization. The first time i made this realization i was in a deep mental funk for 3 days...then i realized it didnt mean it wasnt worth trying...it meant it was all that more worth it.

Think of it this way, if you took a test, and the score was 1-10, 10 being the best. You score a 8 on the test...now consider these 2 scenarios...

1) 10 is a possible score and other ppl have gotten 10's, how do you feel about your score? pretty good right...not a bad score..

2) 10 is NOT a possible score, no one has ever gotten a 10. Now how do you feel about your 8...more significant now isnt it?

This is no different then life, just because it cant be perfect doesnt mean it cant be better and significant to you...and thats what matters, how you feel about it.

If you truely want to be better at something or obtain something, then its worth the effort. Does it mean youll get it, no...but at least at the end of the day you can say im satisfied i tried. If you didnt try youd have that hanging over your head for the rest of your life.

Failure is a big part of life, without its consistant pressence we'd have no comparitive measure for success. The way to deal with failure is handle the source of the failure differenlty each time the scenario is aproached. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Wed Aug 26, 2009 1:35 am

LaRockStar wrote:
Sydrian - First off thanks for the insight. It's a little bit better knowing that I'm not the only one with the issues. With that being said, what exactly has changed in that decade to make you ok with yourself?
.
A few things.. Some mild success with women over the last few years has helped. Having a girl call you while she's at work saying she's mad at you because she's wet thinking about you, it does a bit of good for the ego. A few other things that helped me out were working retail, and frat life. Retail is to social skills as the night club is to PUA skills. In the same sense that PUAs go to bars because that is where women are, working retail is a constant oppourtunity social interactions. If you need to work on basic social skills like raport building, working in a small box retail chain can't hurt. As for frat life, it gave me a social circle, and a sense of belonging that I didn't have in my life previously. It was a uniquely positive experience for me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still much closer to where you are than say, where Tripp is, but I'm mostly content with myself. The only thing that I really want to change about my self is a lack of aggression towards life, lol, and women ;o). In the sense I don't do a lot of things, or meet a lot of people because I have a somewhat laid back, passive nature. Not that there is anything wrong with being that way, but you don't get ahead in life by being passive.

If I had anything else to say, I guess I'd just say with time all things change. I'm still trying to break out of my shell to a point, but I'm a much different person than I was ten years ago. You've realized where you are, and where you want to be much earlier in your life, so you have every oppourtunity to be much further along that road when you get to my age. I was really fumbling around in the dark in my mid 20s. Heck, I'm still fumbling around in the dark from time to time.
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Wed Aug 26, 2009 5:14 am

I have been missing in action lately.. considering I am facing a self esteem blow.

LaRock, There is never a day that doesn't go by that at some point in time.. I don't face a question of "Can I continue".

My tears, my pain, everything.. would be a waste if I were to just lay down and stop.

Lets all ask ourselves.. and no one else.

What makes us continue living? Why haven't we given up yet? Can we continue?
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Fri Aug 28, 2009 3:06 am



I couldn't help but post this...
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Fri Aug 28, 2009 3:22 am

Yep, something that someone with your mindset would post . . .and think . . .

Ironic, considering you live in a city, which is in a beautiful state . . . which has girls visit it all the time and many that live there . . .

Remember . . . it's all about perception . . .

EDIT: Tell me something, seriously man. Why won't you change your mindset?

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:16 am

Well Tripp, since you said seriously... lol - only kidding.
But before I give my reasons, you must realize that it's not that I "wont" change my mindset - its that I can't. Like its like a mental block. When I get up, it's not like I say "Yep. Going to be another AFC day today..." - It just is what it is. It becomes second nature and eventually it becomes you.

When I observe other guys picking up girls...I'm more in awe than I am trying to mimick it. It's like a movie script rather than something I can achieve. In fact, I think watching p0rn to an extent has damaged my perception more than the usual AFC. I look at beautiful girls as movie stars, celebs, etc. In fact, I find myself wondering what it would like to watch them have sex - rather than have sex with me.

Now as far as my "reasons" go - a big part is self confidence. I have zero when it comes to women. Other areas of my life I'm Tyler Durden. I wish I was as cocky and had "swag" like I do when I'm at a sports club or at an auto-show as I am out anywhere that there are females. Granted I spend a lot of energy/time to avoid females in public situations - but hey - after a decade of avoidance you get good at it. Tripp, J, Hook, KA - they seem to have mastered the balance. They are who they are no matter what setting. Me? Not so much...

Another issue at hand is not just sucking it up & saying "fuck it" and doing it is it is my safety net. Lets say I swallow the red pill and approach 50 women in a day... if I pull 0 closes. If I get no success - then I would have truly hit rock bottom...even further down than I am now.

If I never change my mindset, I can always have that thought of a saftey net.

To my psyche - having that regret is 10x less painful than doing something...and realize you failed at it. (I love football. I'm 5'9, 225. I would have made a great TE or lineman in High-School. Coaches drooled at a guy with my size, speed, and hands at their disposal. Yet I never tried out... Why. The thought of playing on the team outweighed the thought of trying and not making it...)
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:56 am

You say you can't . . . but then later on you ADMIT it's your mindset and that you have A CHOICE in that matter. So, it's NOT that you can't, it IS that you WON'T.

Do you think me, J, Fortune, Ka, Randy, and the rest of us have ALWAYS been this way? Have ALWAYS been able to pull girls . . . from the womb? Hell no. We went through the same scary shit you are. Yes, it is about sucking your manhood up and growing a pair.

You've become so used to avoidance, yes, it's your comfort zone. But, do ever truly get anywhere with anything, even your job, if you wallow in your comfort zone? No.

Plus, you're living in a fantasy land, not a reality. I guarantee you, if you approached 50 women in one day, there is no way in hell, unless you're some bum on the street with literally nothing to offer and a smelly ass scent hanging over you, there is no way in hell that you would NOT pull at least one number.

But you, you're jumping ahead and saying "if" . . . when you won't even try it. No, you would not be even lower than you are now. Because, truly, you CAN'T get lower that you are now. Now you are at the point of extinction. If you do nothing, your line goes no further.

In truth, you have no safety net where you are now.

Again, we come to the issue of failure. You are a failure right now. You can't be or do worse than that. But guess what . . . every single one of us that was mentioned in your post and mine . . . we have ALL failed . . . our way to success. You can not have success without failure dude. Even YOU have to admit that when you look at your own success with your job. There is no way you can have success in your job/career without failing along the way. Right? Answer truthfully.

You say after a decade of avoidance you are good at it. Duh. So were every one of us. You can't get good at succeeding until you give THAT the same effort. Do you realize you've actually put time and work into avoiding and failing?

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Sat Aug 29, 2009 3:00 am

Here's a little exercise for you to try next time you look at porn. For each girl you look at, formulate in your mind what you would say to her, how you would game her, to get her into bed. I'm serious about this.

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Sat Aug 29, 2009 4:30 am

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain. -Frank Herbert, Dune.


For a writer, the dude sure was right on this one. Might just be science fiction, but it is a quote worth thinking about.
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PostSubject: Re: Over whelemememed?   Sat Aug 29, 2009 7:50 pm

LaRockStar, while i appreciate your thinking highly of a few of us, Tripp couldnt say it any better if we had corresponded with each other first...we have been there, in many ways still are there, and regardless of our stances will visit there again on occassion.

I feel like a broken record, and while i care about how this works out for you, id be wasting both our time if i repeat what has been said anymore after this point. Im gonna say it as plain and simple as i can, and hope you follow the advice instead of just reading it.

The problem here is your MINDSET. You NEED to change it. Stop worrying about what other people are gonna think...don't rely on their acceptance to validate your actions. If you talk to a girl and she rejects you, screw her, she doesnt know what shes missing. You just did yourself a favor removing her as a potential partner, and you didnt spend weeks, months or years like some men to find out shes not right.

Start doing things because of how your OWN actions make YOU feel, not how peoples reactions make you feel.

You KNOW your BETTER then this, YOU KNOW you can overcome it....so do it already. Like your post about going to speed dating, i thought to myself...thats textbook, this guy did everything that should have been done and more. What a scary situation that would be for me, to be forced to speak to multiple women in rapid succession on the clock...yet you did it like a man who was completely confident and comfortable with the idea he was the best man in the room. So go be that BEST MAN, stop sulking and change your MINDSET

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