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 Neediness vs Loyalty

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~Meg~
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PostSubject: Neediness vs Loyalty   Wed Sep 02, 2009 11:50 am

Is it possible to be loyal without being needy?
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PostSubject: Re: Neediness vs Loyalty   Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:55 pm

I think so. I think of most of my friends as loyal, not to mention myself. I dont think they are needy because of that. Maybe my view of needy is skewed but i think of it as wanting your attention all the time, whereas loyal just means trustworthy and comfortable when in that attention
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PostSubject: Re: Neediness vs Loyalty   Thu Sep 03, 2009 12:22 am

Loyalty and neediness are two vastly sperate concepts, so i say a resounding yes.

Neediness is a selfish trait, wherein the person being needy has to have attention, and they go about getting that attention by being clingy, looking for validation, and trying to hard to win over someone that doesnt have to be won over.

Loyalty is a selfless trait, wherein the person being loyal has and displays a respect for another regardless of circumstance. This can be done when the subject of the loyalty isnt even around (Neediness requires a direct interaction), for instance your friend stands up to someone talking bad "behind" your back.

Also id say that loyalty is something that is earned, you earn someones loyalty by showing them you are trustworthy and a good friend. Typically your actions do not cause someone to be needy.

Its not to say that loyal people cannot be needy, or that needy people cannot be loyal...but they are in no way dependant traits. For instance a needy person may be loyal when your face to face, but may be willing to disrespect you behind your back to furfill their neediness in the presence of others.

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~Meg~
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PostSubject: Re: Neediness vs Loyalty   Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:24 am

Well, there are people who are loyal for the sake of keeping friends and people around them.
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Sydrian
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PostSubject: Re: Neediness vs Loyalty   Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:03 pm

~Meg~ wrote:
Well, there are people who are loyal for the sake of keeping friends and people around them.

Any true friend should be loyal regardless. Anyone who is lacking in the loyalty department is more of an acquaintance than a friend. Its a bit of a prerequisite. Just my opinion. Saying people are loyal for the sake of keeping friends is, to me, a bit like saying people are friendly to keep friends. It's just part of what it means to be a friend.
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Ka
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PostSubject: Re: Neediness vs Loyalty   Fri Sep 04, 2009 1:46 am

Sydrian, i think her point was that some people, in their minds, are loyal because it benefits them.

This leads me to a economic/psychological rule that i recall...that is that everything we do, we do for our best interest, to act against our best interest is illogical. So even the nice things, the seemingly charitable things we do, we do on a subconsious level because it benefits us to do so.

For example, we might be nice to someone (like holding a door open), and subconciously we do it for the positive feeling it gives us.

However, it is possible to be loyal and not needy, and needy and not loyal...i dont feel the 2 are prerequisits of each other, merely they can blend into a grey area.

Sydrian also has a point, in that your true friends are loyal and trustworthy. When i first meet someone i deem as being a possible friend, i test them to see if they are loyal. Generally i do this by lending/fronting them a small amount of money...ill buy a meal or a ticket for them...then i wait to see how they reciprocrate. The people i most relate to are the ones who dont "pay you back' but instead reciprocate the gesture by doing the same for you but not to a precise monetary value.

In that regard, we will go back and forth not feeling like we owe each other, but instead that we look out for each other. People who insist on paying me back exact amounts i tend to be careful around...they generally will expect you to quickly pay them back in full and will keep tabs on who owes who what. No one likes feeling like you owe someone...and these kinds of people tend to hang it over your head and sometimes use it as leverage.

The last type is the kind that just takes...they are the type of person i make sure not to spend time with at all.

In anycase, i think neediness and loyalty cross many paths, but they are the cause of completely seperate mentalities.

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PostSubject: Re: Neediness vs Loyalty   Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:55 pm

Thanks for the responses! The reason I mention this is because I have always considered myself a good friend and a very loyal one...sometimes when i shouldn't be. I like to see the good in people and I am generally there for people. I mean I dont think people run over me, but I am laid back and my tolerance is high. Recently, I took a guy friend out for his birthday. Later he ended up going through my phone and started calling the guy I liked telling him what a lying bitch whore I was. I was incredibly hurt. He is no longer in my life, but maybe because of this "neediness" factor this shit wouldn't have happened.
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Ka
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PostSubject: Re: Neediness vs Loyalty   Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:52 am

Meg the guy friend sounds like a dueshe...friends dont do that, guys who think they are gonna score and dont...thats how they react.

Everyone is a little needy, we are social beings...we need that interaction to function normaly. It sounds to me like you were being a good friend and instead of the jack ass being grateful that anyone paid attention to him and did a nice thing for him, he did the irrational...

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