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AltruisticAssassin
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PostSubject: Insecurity research   Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:20 pm

The other day as I'm playing hacky sack at my local coffee shop I notice something in my social watering hole. It's a new guy, he's annoying. He keeps telling jokes and they're not funny. He wont stop either. That day, I ignore him and continue on about my business.

However when I see him there the next 3 days in a row I know he's one of the more permanent additions to my watering hole. I don't like it, but I step back a bit and pay attention to what he's saying.

All of his jokes have something to do with noticing something other's haven't, as do his comments. They're also designed to show that he's bold enough to break rules. But he lacks tact. He's insecure about himself, but know's that he's smart, so he throws it in everyone face hoping that they'll appreciate this one good quality in him. At least that's his point of view on himself.

I want him to stop being annoying. After talking with my sister and thinking it over a bit I have something.

I ask him interview questions. T.V. talk show host interview questions. They're designed to seek out good qualities within a person and talk about how good they are without coming off as phoney and fake. You get the insecure people to talk about something they are good at for a little bit, they start to understand they're not as worthless as they think they are and now they're more secure around you and less annoying.

You've taken a complete nerd and converted him into a more desireable friend. He's happy. You're happy because he's less annoying. Other people notice and have a higher opinion of you.


This is only in the beta phase. I want to seek out many more kinds of insecurities and understand how to spot them and how to fix them.
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Ka
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PostSubject: Re: Insecurity research   Wed Sep 16, 2009 1:34 am

It shows immense compasion and control that you are able to over look his annoying traits and not try and get rid of him, instead trying to integrate him into the patchwork of things in such a way that he will be pleseant to be around.

I like your approach to it, i however think you should mix that with direct compliments and direct "challenges". For instance when he says something that no one finds funny, point it out..."hey man, that wasnt that funny, we get it your smart dont gotta prove it to us ne more. Just hang out and have fun, relax."

Like you said, the interviewers approach is meant to highlight the persons qualities and make them more comfortable...and that comfort comes from knowing that those values are noticed and appreciated.

I think you can accomplish the recognition and the appreciation much more simply by directly handling things. For instance my above example already recognizes his intellect...it was even a backwards compliment. Doin it this way he gets the notice and the appretiation, while you maintain a level of alphaness.

Just my thoughts on the subject.

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PostSubject: Re: Insecurity research   Thu Sep 17, 2009 8:24 pm

Thanks.
I'll try this next time and fill you in on how it turns out.

Mostly I notice that if you sit quiet for a while and simply listen to what's being said you start to pick up on a lot of things like this.
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