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 what do you do when insulted/put down

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NCJones
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PostSubject: what do you do when insulted/put down   Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:29 am

A girl sends me an I.M. saying my name is one letter off from being a Jonas Brother. I know it's an insult. But I don't know if I should insult back, pretend it was never said, or something else.

A very short man, with a napolean complex is staying with me and my friend Josh. Josh is letting me stay there too. We both provide Josh with equal amounts of whatever. So This short guy, Red, has done and said various asshole things.

and my times running out so I'll get to that later

What do you do when you're insulted/put down.
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Ka
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PostSubject: Re: what do you do when insulted/put down   Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:47 am

There is a difference from being flat out insulted by someone and dealing with someone who's words and actions make you feel put down.

For instance what the girl said was most likely not an insult, just an observation...dont get mad, just ignore it or make fun along with it for now. If she starts getting more direct with her correlation between you and said observation to the point that its obvious shes just insulting you, then you need to handle it.

In the case of this guy being an asshole, put him in his place. How you do this depends on the situation and context of his words and actions.

Rarily if ever is it a good idea to insult back...the best way to counter someone who is making fun of you or trying to belittle you is take away the desired end result of their actions...in other words, if they want you to be put down, but instead they seem like an asshole to others or they feel put down, they will stop.

I have a friend in my circle of friends who is like this, he will say things that are plain nasty just because he gets something out of putting people down...but he doesnt do this to me anymore.

One thing he would do, which is similar to your situation with the girl, is hed keep saying i look like justin timberlake. At first i just joked along and made fun of it...when he realized it didnt bother me, he escalated it to saying that i was gay like jt, or a pussy like jt...this time changing his tone from merely observing to insinuating and insulting.

Once he did this i would just turn it around on him so that when he did it it was uncomfortable for him. For instance hed say "Dude your a fag like justin timberlake", and id just cooly respond to him "Why does every other sentance you speak have to do with the topic of homosexuality..." and then just continue whatever i was doing. In doing this, others and im sure himself where thinking about him and the topic of gay...instead of his goal.

Another good example, same person, would invite you to his house to watch a football game or something, eat and drink in front of all his guests without offering you anything, and if you asked hed make remarks like "What am i a supermarket?" or "Why didnt you bring something to eat/drink, you knew we were watching the game".

I used to let it slide then finally the one day i asked and he said the first line to which i cut him off and said in a deep, serious tone, "You know what, i didnt realize a can of soda was a big deal to you...had i known i wouldnt have thought to inconvienence you so badly, dont worry bout it".

From that point on when i went to his place he offered me food and drink. Because instead of feeling in control he felt like he was being looked down on as poor.

Often times when i counter someone i try to read about them their weeknesses and use that in a non insulting way to "train them" how i expect to be treated. For instance that friend has 2, one being he is a homophobe, the other being he doesnt want to come accross as poor or cheap. When he gets out of line i play on those fears in a way that doesnt make me come accross bad.

The way ive put it to others, is treat every negative thing someone says to you as if it were a literal slap in the face...wouldnt you react if someone slaped you in the face? The way someone speaks to you is no different.

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PostSubject: Re: what do you do when insulted/put down   Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:01 pm

Just don't "literally" slap back, lol. That is, not physically.

I'm not so sure that girl was putting you down. To ME it seems YOU have the issue of being compared with a Jonas brother, not necessarily that SHE was being mean about it. I could be wrong, that's just how it seems to me.

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