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 Whats wrong with going on formal dates?

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Dr_Webber
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PostSubject: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Mon Nov 01, 2010 12:30 pm

I just found a very interesting article on a good blog about asking women out on dates, while the blog is not about PUA I noticed that some of the people who commented there know about the subculture and discuss it.

http://artofmanliness.com/2008/01/16/stop-hanging-out-with-women-and-start-dating-them/

I've seen PUAs say that asking women out on dates is a bad thing but one of the guys who comment on the blog say that if you are looking for a serious relationship you should ask.
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L.A. Tripp
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:39 am

This is basically semantics, actually.

It's not that you're not supposed to "date". It's the connotation of the word date, the weight that's anchored to that word. The man normally automatically pays, it's normally dinner and a movie, normally no kino, etc.

Hanging out doesn't mean you can't date the woman, it just means you're in control and you're not "obligated" to spend money right off the bat, which sets the precedent for the wrong direction of the relationship if one can develop.

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lordcaine
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:09 pm

"dating sets up a mindset of the woman screening you, she will go through that process, be more inclined to follow her personal "dating rules" like no sex until date 34 or whatever her thing is.

the key is to create the relationnship you would on a date without tripping the alarms and steel shutters.

doing it this way also has the advantage of feeling much more natural, and the atmosphere is going to be more relaxed.

so it does boil down to semantics, but there is a very good reason to carefully select (the massive impact of semantics on thought process, a key element of hypnosis, is demonstrated quite well in this situation.)
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:17 pm

i should add, for those same reasons, dating is very powerful for women you have already seduced. because it drains the anxiety of dating, and leaves the pleasurable experience.

context makes all the difference. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Sat Nov 06, 2010 3:02 am

L.A. Tripp wrote:
This is basically semantics, actually.

It's not that you're not supposed to "date". It's the connotation of the word date, the weight that's anchored to that word. The man normally automatically pays, it's normally dinner and a movie, normally no kino, etc.

Hanging out doesn't mean you can't date the woman, it just means you're in control and you're not "obligated" to spend money right off the bat, which sets the precedent for the wrong direction of the relationship if one can develop.
Agreed. On the girl I'm dating at the moment I made it clear hanging out was not a date. I did not pay for anything for her, yet I did pick her up from her house. Everything was set right. Now here is thing I do not believe even paying is wrong. I believe it becomes wrong when you are doing it to win her over and earn her approval. If you enjoy paying go ahead. If you enjoy being nice go ahead. That is if you are able to do it for yourself and no one else.
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Sat Nov 13, 2010 7:36 am

Do you guys think I shouldn't pay for a date? I've been out of the game for a while and i have a date tommorow and I was planning to pay. I wouldn't spend a lot just enough for some beers and maybe some bar food or whatever... I have money and she probably doesn't make money like me so I would assume that it would be okay to spend 60 70 bucks or whatever, what do you think?
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Sat Nov 13, 2010 8:32 pm

Welcome to the forum solaryogurt

As was already explained in this thread, what ever you do on the first date sets the precedent for any following dates and any relationship to follow.

Sure, you want to "impress" her, but you need to impress her with "you", not your money, not your material possessions, just "you". Unless you don't want anything to come out of this.

If you haven't already set the expectations ahead of time for this particular date, she is probably expecting you to pay, so you probably don't have a choice on this one. But keep it in mind for all future "dates".

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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solaryogurt
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Sun Nov 14, 2010 12:20 am

Thanks for getting back to me! Ok getting ready for my date, this girl is bangin'... I hear what you are saying about not ipressing her with my dough, but what do you think if I am impressive myself and don't make a big deal about money, just spend it in a quiet way? I don't want to act poor y'know!?
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Sun Nov 14, 2010 12:27 am

Not making a big deal bout money should be a given. But, your mindset is all wrong. You're focused on the money. The point is, help her to have fun just BEING WITH YOU, so the money really isn't thought about. And . . . when you DON'T spend much, she's not worried that you're a cheap skate because she enjoyed being with you.

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Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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View user profile http://latripp.weebly.com  http://puas.open-board.com/the-pua-be
WolfyStyles
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Tue Nov 16, 2010 4:14 pm

Here is how I see it and how I have advised people as Tripp says the date sets everything Notice what you are doing my friend. You are concerned with impressing her and making her like you. That is being needy and seeking approval. There is an secondary motive behind what you are doing. You subtle clues, body language, tonality basically everything will telegraph that. With or without realizing she will sense all of these things and will either can the date or keep you are because you offer something to her (ie free dates) in very few cases she may actually be really into you. If one chooses to pay for date activities it should be because that is who they are that is who they want to be. I have no qualms about paying for a date the first time anymore (if I choose to key point is choice) because that is the kind of guy I am. If she expects it thought, I wont. If her expectations are something I will not do such things. If the idea is doing something because I choose to because that is me then that is the way. If you feel you need to do it you are seeking her approval because there is no need.
Why were people able to pay for dates in the past without looking needy? I spoke to a very good sociologist PhD about this and it came down to this 30-40 even 20 years ago with this dating was entirely different in sociological sense. Now a guy paying for the date though on the overview was expected it was not (really ask an older generation to be honest with this, I have) it was tossed out there but most did not agree with it. So no one felt entitled to do it and when a guy chose to he chose to. Now a lot of girls hear that that's how it supposed to be not knowing how it really was.
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PostSubject: Re: Whats wrong with going on formal dates?   Tue Nov 16, 2010 8:07 pm

This is the result of some older folk saying, "This was the PROPER way to do it." Mainly because they want to teach the young guys, "This is what I want you to do." Then they can sit back and smile and say, "Yeah, I taught them that." In other words . . . EGO.

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http://tripp-author.weebly.com for my new book!

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www.latripp.weebly.com

Alpha: "Come here, now."
AFC: "Would you mind coming here please, if it's not too much trouble?"

You have one shot, and it's in the first 3 seconds.
Make her qualify herself to YOU.

Don't back down from the girl. CHALLENGE her!
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View user profile http://latripp.weebly.com  http://puas.open-board.com/the-pua-be
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